Unless I want to be seen as a horrible human being, I'm supposed to give a "tip" to: the chick at the Starbucks window with red spiky hair that poured some coffee into a cup and took my money, the little oriental lady that paints my nails in 5 minutes, the sweet-and-slow-moving woman that does my hair, the guy that does a horrible job vacuuming out my car at the car-wash, the man that looks perfectly fine standing on a corner holding a card board sign, the sprightly young kid that rolls my bags up to the hotel room from the elevator, the waitress that delivers the food someone else cooked...I even saw a tip jar at the Chinese food place the other night! All they do is scoop some food into a white foam container thingie!
So, where's MY tip people?!
True Story #1: A new patient shows up first thing on a Monday morning, an 83 yr. old woman. She walks into the room and I say, "How are you doing today?"
(With a smile on my face, of course.)
And she responds, "I hate you."
Whoooa whooa whooa!! WHAT?! What did I ever do to you lady?!
So I say, "Oh, uh...ok?"
(With a smile, on my face. I think.)
then she re-fraises a little..."Well, I mean I hate being here."
Ok, well, glad we straightened THAT out.
True Story #2: Man comes in, big guy, tough guy, yet he's shaking in his boots, like most of them...
and oh, "By the way," he says as I get ready to take quite a few X-rays on him, "I'm a gagger."
Oh, that's great. Me too. Nice to meet you Gagger.
So I say, "Awe, no problem, I have the same issue, so I'll be nice to you!"
(with a smile on my face. of course.)
...20 minutes later, he's gagging, I'm gagging just watching him gagging, the spider in the corner is gagging...but the X-rays look great! Here ya go Doc, have fun with THIS guy!
True Story #3: I'm having a pretty darn good day. The morning was going smoothly, we had nice patients, easy patients, and fun patients.
Our next patient is in the waiting room, so I walk out and said, "Good morning So-and-so! Come on in, we're all ready for you! How was your weekend?!"
This is what I get from the serious-looking man in a business suit, "Wow, you're WAY to happy right now."
Uh, ok...sure, I love being stuck in a small room with people like you all day, of course I'm happy.
So I say, "Well, we'll get this done quickly and easily then you'll be happy too."
(With a smile on my face. of course.)
True (favorite) Story #4: This is one of those patients you just wish wouldn't come back. She comes in for some small, quick, check-up visit and first thing she says to me in an upset, pouty tone, "Last time I was here, the hygienist cleaned my teeth too well!"
Me: "She cleaned your teeth too well?"
What? Seriously? Greeeat, here we go...
Her: "Yes she did! Now, I have a huge gap in my front teeth! humph!"
(by now, the receptionist that can hear everything, is turning blue from laughing so silently at my annoyed face. I turn to where the patient can't see me, put my "gun" fingers to my head, and pull the trigger. Now the receptionist is on the floor...)
Me: "Well, if she cleaned it off, then it was Tarter or Plaque, which, if left on, will give you a cavity or even worse, lead to serious gum disease or even a root canal. So the only reason she cleaned it was for your benefit and your oral health!"
(With a smile on my face. of course.)
Her: "Well, she did it on purpose then, so I'm not letting her clean my teeth ever again."
(I get out my happy/peppy voice for the third time...)
Me: "Ok, no problem! We're here to make you comfortable! I'll make a note of that in your chart."
(With a smile on my face. of course.)
Uugh, somebody shoot me!!!!
These are just a few of my day-to-day favorites. I've also been yelled at by a middle-aged Asian man for asking him to fill out the medical history form that everyone has to fill out, I've been bitten by an elderly man with dementia and dentures, spit up on by a gagging kid, hit on by creepy guys, pet on the arm by a lady who was on Nitrous gas while she told me she loved me over and over, hit in the head by the over-head-light more times than I can count, because the Dr. wasn't paying attention, hit in the face by someone's metal crown that went flying while we were removing it...
(ALL of this, with a dang smile on my face!)
...
I get the rooms cleaned, the dental instruments sterilized, the trays set up, patients sat on time (usually), get the freaked-out people calmed down and laughing by the time the Dentist comes into the room, take the X-rays, make the lab cases go out and get back on-time, pour the stone models, trim the stone models, make whitening trays, clean the equipment, etc...and make the coffee so we can all function...all with a SMILE on my face!
You know what?? forget the tip!!
...I should get an award for best freakin' actress of the year!
(and the raise that comes with it.)
