Pens, Paper and Powerpoint.

And....we're back in class!

Just when we thought, "Now all we have to do is wait!!"... our CSW referred us to another class.
 The organizer of the class called me last Friday afternoon while I was working, and left a voicemail saying there was an opening starting "This Monday night from 6pm to 9pm."... Ooook. Here we go again!
This class is 9 hours long, (3 Monday nights), in LA. And it is called:

                                                           TIES

 Training, Intervention, Education and Services for Families.

Since we are taking the TIES class, they will offer us a life supply of therapy, counseling, support groups and background checks (of prenatal substance exposure), on the child before they are placed in our home. This organization will find out what kind of substance the fetus may have been exposed to, and in turn, let us know what kind of learning and behavioral issues the child might experience growing up.

They will also give us examples of what to say to a inquisitive 8 year old child when they ask a question like, "Is my real mommy a bad person because of drugs? Is that why I can't live with her?" or something like, "What did my daddy/mommy do to make the police take me away from them? Why can't I go back?"

I am thankful for these classes because #1, no matter what I've heard growing up about "drugs are bad, they ruin your life, they mess with your brain, etc..." I have no first-hand experience. I've never been removed from my home because of them. And #2, We are learning great answers to hard questions!

 How DO you explain this to a 6yr or 8yr or 15 yr old that has been abused, molested, neglected, or taken away do to their parent's substance abuse? The whole idea is not to bash on the parent or give the child a reason to hate their parents, but rather, give them an explanation letting them know that it is not their fault they were removed from their birth family.

About 99% of the children in the Foster Care system HAVE had prenatal substance exposure. These substances can be an over use of anything: Cigarettes, Alcohol, Cocaine, E, and so on. Even marijuana. If the parent is using enough to intoxicate themselves so they can't properly take care of their body while being pregnant, or take care of their baby properly, this falls under the "substance AND child abuse" category.

OK, all that said, now I'm going to step on some toes.

Ready?

In class we watched a video of a woman who had been a drug addict since age 14. Then she became a prostitute. Then she went from one bad relationship to another and ended up pregnant. She quit the drugs for about 4 months, trying to be "a good pregnant mom" but she hated the feeling of being pregnant...so she fell right back into cocaine and other things. She gave birth to the baby, and says she doesn't even know how he stayed alive. She was blacked out most of the time. She said she never held him. When he was just 2 weeks old she would prop him up with some pillows and prop a bottle in his mouth to feed him to shut him up.

I'm going to stop right there. What are you feeling about this mother right now?
She gave birth to the same kind of un-held, un-kissed babies and children that are in the foster system. And every one of them deserves a good life and a loving family!

One thing they said in our class that I just loved, (and I wish more pastors around the world would catch on to this), was, "No one ever asked her WHY she needed the drugs. No one ever asked her what happened to make her want to take this route in life."
This woman had been beaten and who knows what else, by her own father, from a very young age. On the video she said, "The drugs make me numb. They make the pain go away."

 

There are a LOT of very confused, lost, hurt people out there, that have had horrible lives, and they're having babies.
I'm not writing this blog to get everyone angry about these unfit parents... I'm writing this blog to start a fire. And I'm hoping it will be a wild fire of change. Something has to change in our society! But mostly, I, being a Christian, would like to see the Christians change.

 I grew up in the church. I've seen the strong, the weak, the fake, the lost, the broken, the do-gooders, the hopeful, the helpers, the leaders, the attention seekers, the followers, etc... What I keep waiting to see is real people, being real with themselves.

We. are. not. perfect. We are not here to judge the lives of others! What did Jesus DO while He was here? He served. He loved. He helped others. He washed dirty, nasty feet. He comforted. Yes, he gave a Pharisee a lesson or two, but he didn't go around pointing at the crowd saying, "Bad! bad! bad sinner! You're all just bad people and what you do daily is bad, and you're all going to hell!"
Am I right? I am no preacher so just remember, this is only my own opinion here.

Some pro-Choicers who are reading this might be thinking, "And this is why we support abortion, because it can save these drug babies, or rape babies, from horrible lives of being propped up on pillows at 2 weeks old to feed alone, never held or kissed or loved...or from a life of terrible Foster Homes and learning disabilities."

And the pro-Lifers are saying, "Abortion is horrible, it's murder! Every little baby is a miracle and it deserves a chance!!...if the mother is unfit, just put the baby in an adoptive home! problem solved!"

Now, Pro Lifers (eh hem, fellow Christians)... Why?

Why put the child in the up for adoption?
Why put the child in the screwed up foster system?
Will YOU adopt?
Will YOU take a step forward to help the babies that HAVE been given life?
What will YOU do to support the babies that have been given life?
How will YOU help those mothers that decided to give their babies lives?
What will YOU personally do, to support your view of "Abortion is murder, save their souls"??

Can anyone tell that I am so tired of hearing Christians bash on the women that decide to have abortions? Don't get me wrong! I am COMPLETELY against abortion and the murder of unborn children. I have always felt this way since I was young, I just couldn't understand why we only held signs up and did nothing else! But I was just a kid, what did I know, right?
The idea of some brutal, heartless, mentally disturbed so-called Doctor sticking a needle or a pair of scissors into a fetus's skull sickens me.
 But. I can see the other side of the argument, and I can see the lack of active response from the holier-than-thou-Christians.

 I talk to a LOT of people every day. On average we see about 20 patients a day (and I've been doing this job for 7 years), and I spend a good amount of time listening to all kinds of stories, arguments and complaints about religious and political ideas. At the end of the day, it's all talk. Most of these people are from the plush area I work in, and you can tell they have lived easy going, spoiled lives with no type of real pain or heartache. And I am so annoyed.

Promise me this: Today I want YOU to look in the mirror and decide what action YOU can take to start a movement of helping the children, that have already been "saved from abortion", and figure out how to keep them away from horrible foster homes and lost, drug induced, lonely lives. If enough babies are adopted, who knows! Maybe these women who are pregnant with no hope might see that their child has a chance at a better life!
 You can donate your time to a woman's shelter, (Please check out my friend Joanna's Blog about working at the "Sheep Fold", an amazing place for abused woman and children can hid and thrive)... You can donate your money to an orphanage or organization, or even better, to a couple that might be trying to raise money to adopt. YOU can foster! YOU can adopt!
You can stop pointing your finger yelling "bad bad bad!" and start opening your arms and asking, "HOW can I help? WHAT can I do?" You may be one person with little resources. I mean hey, I'm just a gal late for work, typing a blog as fast as I can!
You can do something.

Dear Christians,
These are the children that YOU held up that sign for and shouted, "Give the babies life! Don't kill them!"

 So, whatcha gonna do about it?

Let's do this!!